by Jesse Handy
Once a semester I have to write what I've come to label "The Handy Reader's Guide." It's essentially an explanation of either myself or my political views for those who can't seem to grasp them. I would like to clear several misconceptions if I can. Misconception 1: I'm a liberal -- I'm neither liberal or conservative. I'm more middle-of-the-road than you think. Neither liberals or conservatives have monopolies on the truth, and to be an extremist for either would be foolish.
Misconception 2: I'm a racist -- Several members of my family have fair skin and blue or green eyes. My grandmother was mulatto. My last two girl friends have been psychotic women of other races, and if you were to get all of my friends in the same room, it would look like a model United Nations, or the Benneton ad from hell.
I only have a problem with one race: the human race. As long as people continue to mistreat one another for idiotic reasons such as race, nationality, religious or sexual preference or any other really stupid reason, my contempt for the human race isn't bound to change.
Misconception 3: I intentionally write things to piss people off -- OK, you got me. I want to get mail from people insulting me and my intellect. I live for people calling me at home threatening my life simply because they disagree with me. Oh, how I relish people confronting me on campus and loudly disagreeing with me when I'm on my way to either class, work or lunch. If you're stupid enough to believe that any time anyone whose opinions differ from yours speaks out, they're trying to start a fight, then you've got some serious problems.
Misconception 4: I have a really bad disposition/temper -- If that were the case, those who've written me really moronic letters would have only been able to do so once. There are a select few who've written me many nasty letters who a) never met me, b) have never spoken to me, or c) would not recognize me if they saw me in a crowd.
Misconception 5: I'm very serious all of the time -- On the contrary, I'm known for my sense of humor and bright smile. I just refuse to let anyone take a picture of it.
Finally, Misconception 6: I look like any of those mug shots that run with my column -- I don't photograph well, and I really don't like having my picture taken. Most people have difficulty recognizing me when they first see me. This doesn't just apply to me, it applies to most Cougar columnists.
Much like yourselves, we're students -- students who are given a forum to voice our opinions. You may not always agree with us, but if you ever have a serious problem with anything we've said, let your eyes drift to the word centered on the top of this page: "Opinion." There are those of you who feel you can do a better job. Send in an application; you may be right. Be prepared to be misunderstood and misquoted. And don't have any misconceptions about taking my job. I don't plan on going anywhere, and I've yet to have an editor ask me to leave.
Handy is a senior RTV major.