by Tom Jackson
Daily Cougar StaffImagine The Breakfast Club gone bad and you have some idea of the premise of Loaded, the debut film by Anna Campion, sister of Jane Campion of The Piano fame. Unfortunately, talent doesn't appear to run in the family.
Loaded tells the tale of seven college-age Brits who decide to run off for the weekend to stay in a run-down English mansion and film a Celtic horror film. Then, according to the film's publicity, "things go terribly wrong." However, it isn't what I, nor probably most people, had imagined. This is a huge disappointment, as the film isn't even good, campy fun.
The greatest strength of Loaded is its actors. All seven leads are compelling and real. Their emotions ring completely true. It's an added bonus that all are quite attractive and sensual. Unfortunately, they can't save a ship that's already been blown full of holes.
Neil (Oliver Milburn) is handsome and completely obsessed with his therapist. He also has a thing for Rose (Catherine McCormack), who wants to lose her virginity, but can't decide with whom to lose it. Giles (Nick Patrick) and Zita (Thandie Newton) are the individualists of the group. He is fascinated with serial killers while she is more thoughtful and mature than her peers. Lionel (Matthew Eggleton) puzzles and inspires the others with his religious devotion. The most cold-hearted of the bunch is Lance (Danny Cunningham), who will stop at nothing to become a Hollywood filmmaker. His girlfriend Charlotte (Biddy Hodson) is an overgrown prom queen who's ripe for some excitement.
The weekend is fun at first, but goes on a downward spiral after the friends decide to take acid together. The one "terribly wrong" thing that happens doesn't occur until almost the end of the film. It is a clichd plot device that's been seen in a million television movies-of-the-week. This makes the movie appear to be some sort of anti-drug statement, though Campion, the film's director, insists in the accompanying interview that she is pro-drug legalization.
Loaded is a terrible bore. The actors are cute, and some of the lines are clever, but the film never goes anywhere. Scenes that say nothing or are one-note get stretched out endlessly. One wonders if Campion had little to say and a lot of time to say it in. The story is extremely thin and moves slowly. Even when the characters drop acid, they don't do anything exciting.
Worst of all is the ending. Just as an exciting climax is finally building, the film suddenly stops. So many loose ends are left that it is maddeningly frustrating for the viewer. The ending feels as if it should have been the beginning of a movie that could have had real drama and tension.
What can one say? Good acting and adequate directing combined with bad writing, bad plotting, bad pacing and bad production does not make a good film. If you're in the mood for some mindless nothing, go see Loaded. Then again, you could just stay home and watch a sitcom.
(Loaded is tentatively scheduled to open in Houston May 10. Check listi