For many seniors, only a few weeks remain in our college careers. We'll be moving on to big-time jobs, big-time bills, and big-time responsibilities. But we still have finals to contend with, so any extra amount of thinking we have to do is thinking wasted (according to some).
With that in mind, I present to you a column which is even easier on the thought processes than my previous offerings (and yes, Virginia, that is possible).
Here's a list of all those stupid things that you've been through but to which you'd never admit (and no truth serum could bring it out of you). Although you may be graduating, a few of you still may fall prey to doing these things -college degree or not.
1.) Pushing a door that's clearly marked "Pull."
2.) Doing that awkward, hunched-over hobble to the nearest Kleenex box.
3.) Being in a different room when you've been doing number two for a half-hour, only to discover there's no toilet paper.
4.) Wearing parachute pants in the '80s.
5.) Finally realizing you're in a bathroom intended for the opposite sex after using its facilities.
6.) Actually referring to a physically attractive woman as a "tenderoni" and laughing so hard at a punchline that you lose control of your bodily functions, resulting in uncontrollable flatulation, urination, or both.
7.) Hooking your index and middle fingers of both hands to symbolize quotation marks when speaking.
8.) Punching an already-lit elevator button.
9.) Getting caught looking at the crack of a person whose pants can't contain his/her expansive posterior.
10.) Going to school all day with your fly down - but you forgot to wear underwear.
11.) Saying "orgasm" in biology class when you meant to say "organism."
12.) Saying "erection set" in science class when you meant to say "Erector set."
13.) Taking an extra-long stride, or even a hop, to free that underwear that got caught in your butt cheeks while walking.
14.) Getting hit in a painfully sensitive area with a bowling ball, hockey stick, etc. during a P.E. class.
15.) Wetting your bed - recently.
16.) Talking to the first sign when the intercom is mounted on the second sign at a fast food drive-thru.
17.) Making such a stink in the public stalls that others entering the bathroom resort to profanity.
All of the above have actually happened to someone I know. Of course, none of the above would ever happen to me ...
Nguyen is a senior RTV major.