Kevin Pennell |
I called my buddy Kevin (no relation) to see if he wanted to go on Saturday. "I don't know," he said. "Saturday's normally the day I beat my wife. Besides, I only go to functions that celebrate genocide, glorify racism, subjugate women and are mean to animals."
I said, "You've gotta go to Frontier Fiesta; it's everything you could ever hope for." So we went.
Upon arrival, I immediately asked one of the participants where the action was. Justin Nxqt (that's not his last name, but that's what I appear to have written in my notes; I really should quit drinking on the job) said that I had just missed the Negro-lynching contest, but that there was a Klan rally going on in the Republic of Texas house. Since the field was so muddy because of the rain, I asked if there were going to be any ladies mud wrestling. He said no, but that it was a good idea, and they might consider it for next year.
We then ventured inside to join the Klan rally. David Duke, Hitler and Satan were onstage holding a panel discussion while a jug of moonshine was being passed around the room. When they finished, a grotesquely overweight fellow with a shaggy beard and no teeth stood up in his grimy overalls and started waving a Confederate flag.
Someone else (probably me) then stood up and shouted, "Africans mutilate little girls, Arabs molest them, Asians think race is something found on lingerie and Mexico's GNP won't buy you a bottle of tequila!" This was followed by chants of "White makes right!" and "Stop your bitchin', get back in the kitchen!" Outside, protesters milled around, trying to keep their candles lit in the rain and bearing placards that read "We have no lives" and "Pity us, we're minorities."
It is the protesters I would like to address. You say that Frontier Fiesta discriminates. I saw people there of every race. You say that the money spent on it could be better spent elsewhere. Perhaps, but money can always be better spent elsewhere. You say that it should be more inclusive. But "The Coalition of Pissed Minorities, in conjunction with the Man-Haters of America, presents 'Death, Desolation and Tyranny, the true story of the American West'" won't attract a crowd. You say it's wrong to celebrate our Judeo-Christian, white, patriarchal American society. But the calendar would look pretty bare without Christmas, Presidents' Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Flag Day, Veterans Day and Thanksgiving.
Finally, you say that America has a history of racism, sexism and genocide. Compared to who? American Indians weren't racist, not because they were better people than I am, but because they were all the same race. That doesn't mean they didn't kill each other. Africans perform clitoridectomies, which sounds like a pretty sexist thing to do to me. And if it's genocide you want, might I suggest Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge? I hear Genghis Khan wasn't too pleasant a fellow, either.
My point here is not to denigrate your heritage, although you seem to enjoy denigrating mine. It's merely to suggest that we've all got ancestors, be they white or not, who've done naughty things.
Nor do I want to suggest that your point of view is not valid. I think your objections to Frontier Fiesta are understandable, if not correct. But when people like Liz Alexander of the Latina Coalition write a letter to this paper, published on April 9, suggesting that I, or anyone who attends Frontier Fiesta, am a racist who will "don white robes and burn crosses" at future events, my response is to tell the whole lot of you to go screw yourselves.
And the high horses you rode in on.
Pennell is a junior English major.