by Joey Guerra
Entertainment Editor
To call John Waters' Pink Flamingos a bad movie, even a bad movie we love, seems almost trivial by today's standards. Enjoying a newfound theater life thanks to its 25th anniversary, Pink Flamingos stands as the mother of all midnight movies, the queen bee of le bad cinema.
Critics weren't only dismayed, but were downright horrified at the story of Divine (Divine), whose title of "Filthiest Person Alive" is being threatened by Raymond and Connie Marble (David Lochary and Mink Stole), the notorious couple running an illegal adoption ring in their basement.
The Marbles kidnap young girls, force their butler Channing (Channing Wilroy) to impregnate them, and sell the babies to lesbian couples. They use the money from the adoptions to finance heroin dealers at elementary schools.
Living under the name "Babs Johnson" in a pink-and-gray trailer outside Baltimore with her son Crackers (Danny Mills), mother Mama Edie (Edith Massey) and traveling companion Cotton (Mary Vivian Pearce), Divine is driven to unbelievable lengths to save her reputation as the queen of nastiness.
Daily Variety called Pink Flamingos "one of the most vile, stupid and repulsive films ever made," but Waters was hardly dismayed. While Pink Flamingos is indeed at times vile, stupid and repulsive, it's also funny, shocking and unlike anything you've ever seen.
The film was shot during the very cold winter of 1971-72 in Waters' hometown, and it shows. During one scene where the Egg Man (Paulm Swift) professes his love to Mama Edie, both actors' breath is clearly visible as they utter their lines with about as much conviction as Andie McDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Massey in particular has it bad, because she spends most of the film in a bra. Her character is mentally unstable, so her daughter keeps her in a playpen, where she is covered with pieces of yolk.
You see, Mama Edie will only eat eggs - hard-boiled, scrambled, over-easy, sunny-side up, whatever. Massey spends the entire film whining for the Egg Man in her shrill, unforgettable, overly enthusiastic way. Massey made appearances in several of Waters' films, and her hopelessly inept acting skills combined with a truly endearing demeanor make her a lovably gross creation.
The antics of all these characters, from the Marbles' hair color (and we're not just talkin' about on top of their heads) to Cracker's weird sexcapades (involving chickens) are trademarks of Waters' work. Those who are only familiar with the relatively tame black humor of Waters' last flick, Serial Mom, or the cutesy infectiousness of Hairspray will be in for a very rude, very filthy awakening.
Even more fun is the inclusion of the film's original theatrical trailer, which did not use any scenes from the film. Waters also adds a present-day commentary, questioning the inclusion of some scenes in Pink Flamingos and showing us a few that did not make the final cut. The funny thing is, if those scenes were included, namely a couple where the sequence of events is altered and the premise is changed to Divine recording her memoirs, it would have been a completely different film.
The true highlight, though, is a take where Divine, Crackers and Cotton merrily skip down a hill singing "We are the filthiest people in the world" in pig Latin.
Waters' humor is an acquired taste, serving up cannibalism, incest and lots more for your viewing pleasure. At the center of the full-course meal is Waters' pride and joy, Divine. Happily waltzing her way through the film in tight dresses, frightening make-up and high heels, Divine takes Pink Flamingos to its still-too-gross-to-be-believed ending, but she does it all with a smile.
To coincide with the opening of the film at the River Oaks 3, Landmark Theatres will bring in Houston's own impersonator, Simply Divine, to perform a homage to the drag diva before the 10 p.m. Saturday showing of Pink Flamingos.
Lucky patrons will also win free tickets. Also on Saturday, anyone who brings in a plastic pink flamingo to the midnight showing will get in free. Call 524-2175 for more information.