Jason Ginsburg |
"I, William Jefferson Clinton, do solemnly swear ..." @#$%! Billy's on TV. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK. And he's on every *@#! channel.
"My fellow citizens, at this last presidential inauguration of the 20th century, let us lift our eyes towards the challenges that await us in the next century."
Yeah, like your litigation.
"And what a century it has been. America became the world's mightiest industrial power, saved the world from tyranny in two world wars and a long Cold War and time and again reached out across the globe to millions who, like us, longed for the blessings of liberty."
All the while you were dodging the draft and smoking dope.
"... extending the circle of citizenship, opportunity and dignity to women."
Like Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones? We all know what you extended to them.
"As times change, so government must change. We need a new government for a new century. ... A government that is smaller, lives within its means and does more with less."
Like a government that spends $42 million on a ceremony to swear in a president who's already in office?
"Our Founders taught us that the preservation of our liberty and our union depends upon responsible citizenship, and we need a new sense of responsibility for our new century."
Aren't all his friends back in Arkansas in jail?
"The divide of race has been America's constant curse. ... We cannot, we will not succumb to the dark impulses that lurk in the far regions of the soul everywhere. We shall overcome them. Great rewards will come to those who can forge new ties that bind together."
Oh yeah, affirmative action and quotas don't divide people into races at all.
"In this new land, education will be every citizen's most prized possession. ... And the doors of higher education will be opened to all. The knowledge and power of the Information Age will be within reach of every classroom, every library, every child."
Sure, if they can all get into private schools like Chelsea.
"Our streets will echo again with the laughter of our children, because no one will try to shoot them or sell them drugs anymore."
Isn't that bulletproof glass around his podium? Isn't that Marion Barry in the crowd?
"We will have reformed our politics so that the voice of the people will always speak louder than the din of narrow interests."
Narrow interests are one thing, but crooked foreign interests are A-O-K.
"But let us never forget the greatest progress we have made and the greatest progress we have yet to make is in the human heart."
Man, is he laying it on thick. Did he rip that @#%* off a Hallmark card?
"The American people returned to office a president of one party and a Congress of another. Surely they did not do this to advance the politics of petty bickering and extreme partisanship. ... It is wrong to waste the precious gift of time on acrimony and division."
And after the ceremony, they'll all go hunt Newt Gingrich down.
"Yes, let us build our bridge - a bridge wide enough and strong enough for every American to cross."
Except for rich white folks - we'll build the bridge right over them, like the Chinese laying down railroad tracks!
"May God strengthen our hands for the good work ahead, and always, always bless our America."
Amen, my Lord - something tells me that we're going to need it.
Ginsburg is a senior political science major.