"Hi, I'm from Apartment 238, and I've got a rent check for you."
"Today is the second. Rent is due on the first."
"But I have the money right here. Is that a problem?"
"Yes, your check is $30 short. There's a $25 late charge and an additional charge of $5 for every day past due. You're late, and you're late by one day, so we need another $30."
"Is that really necessary? I've always been on time before. It's just that I was too sick to get out of bed yesterday and couldn't make it here before now. It's not as if I'm some type of deadbeat or something."
"Sir, you're one of 20 people who have come in today with late checks, and all of them had some kind of excuse. 'I was sick.' 'I had to work late.' 'My child was hit by a car.' Yada, yada, yada. Well, I'm sorry for each and every one of their problems, but we have a business to run here."
"Don't you care about your tenants?"
"Of course we do. We just care about money more."
"So what? You're going to evict me over 24 hours and $30?"
"Paragraph five, subsection three of your lease states that if delinquent sums are not paid in full, your deposit will be retained as liquidated damages, your rental agreement shall immediately terminate, and legal proceedings will commence against you to recover possession of the apartment and recover attorney's fees and court costs, all in connection with your default under the lease. Furthermore -"
"Wait ... I'll pay the extra $30. Just let me write you another check."
"Sorry, but late rent can only be paid in cash or by money order. If your check were to bounce, you'd be really, really late then, wouldn't you?"
"I've never had a check bounce in my life."
"What makes you think I care about your life?"
"That does it! I want to speak to your manager."
"The manager is not currently on the premises."
"When will he be back?"
"Never. The manager doesn't maintain an office on the property. After all, this is just one apartment complex. He has to oversee all of McCord Inc.'s holdings in this market, including three more complexes, two office buildings, five strip malls and a crack den near the University of Houston."
"Then I'll write to McCord Inc. and speak with the owners."
"Actually, McCord is a holding company that exists only on paper for tax purposes. It's owned by Aerodyne Defense Mechanics in Michigan, a publicly traded company. And 54 percent of Aerodyne's stock is held by Microsoft, so maybe you should write Bill Gates instead."
"Bill Gates?"
"Yes, I'm sure that he'll be ever so concerned about your $30."
"Fine I'll give you the damn money order tomorrow, with the extra 30."
"Thirty-five, for an additional day past due, and have a nice day."
"Go @#%* yourself."
Ginsburg is a senior
RTV major who questions
capitalism sometimes.