The Monday Cougar got the big scoop by telling the whole school there's gay sex going on in the bathrooms in the Fine Arts building. Now, I hate to use stereotypes, but if the shoe fits, wear it. Is anybody really surprised there are gays cruising for each other in the Fine Arts college? Probably not.
When I was an undergrad at the University of Texas, there were a few bathrooms you just didn't go into. They were in the Music Building (another surprise). I never even had a class in that building and I knew; everybody did.
They told us at orientation about people with other orientations: "Now there's the fountain. There's the stadium, and, oh, over in that building are the bathrooms where the gay guys have sex. Don't use those." They didn't have to tell us twice.
And like most people, although disgusted, I really didn't care. I think every university in this country has a similar phenomenon.
In fact, I hear the problem has reached epidemic proportions in the Corps Barracks at A&M. Put an "f" in front of Aggie and what do you get?
But really, why would anybody, black, brown, yellow, orange, gay, straight, Anlgo, Hispanic, male or female want to have sexual relations in a public restroom?
As I think about it, I realize it must be the presence of all those things that make this the most romantic of all college settings.
You know what I'm talking about: that "oh so fresh" aroma that seems to set the mood every time; those sexy little sand-pebble soap granules whose more abrasive qualities could arouse any nerve ending; and finally, the chance to wipe yourself off with that "John Wayne toilet paper" - it's rough, it's tough, and it won't take crap off anybody.
I can see it now. Here this guy is, sitting in his sculpture class and thinking to himself, "Gee, I'm kind of lonely. Maybe I'll just cruise on down to the bathroom and see if I can't just get me some."
Look, if you people want to hook up, have sex, or talk about how you empathize with the more sensitive side of Amanda Mahmoudi's newspaper column, the bathroom is not the appropriate place. Montrose is only a mile away.
Heck, there's a hotel here on campus. They could change the name from "The University Hilton" to the "No Tell Motel" and put vibrating beds in every room. That is why they built this campus, isn't it?
Never mind all that stuff about education, job training, etc. It's all just a front.
The administration is here to run a great big gay dating service. Or at least in the Fine Arts college, obviously.
This whole thing is quite simple. The university has buildings; people use those buildings. People have excretory systems; accordingly, the buildings have facilities to accommodate those needs. Those facilities are called restrooms.
Please note, the signs don't say Sex Rooms, and there's no red light on the door. So quit having sex in them.
Williams is a second-year law student.