Up until now, I have fooled myself into believing I was happy in a society where integration and assimilation have been force-fed to people of a darker hue. I am a fool no more. Today I am no longer a sellout.
My spirit's cries will no longer be muffled. I now break the 500-year-old chains of racism, slavery and genocide to assume my rightful place among my people. I am a brown buffalo, and I rise above the Veil.
Last week I stood before the mirror, listening to meaningless news about Southern racists killing other racists on a fascist radio station. I stared at my Mexican nose, dark brown hair and eyes. How could I possibly deny who I am?
I am a Mexican/Latino /Hispanic/Indian warrior who has been here since before Columbus. This is Tejas, not Texas. White slavemasters Anglicized me, forcing me to speak their language.
I cannot, however, fall back on the Spanish language, as it is the language of the Conquistador, the first European oppressor. The Aztecs also murdered thousands en route to their peaceful civilization.
I was a buffalo straying from the herd, unsure if I wanted to run with other naïve sellouts. If I could no longer use English, Spanish or the Aztec language; I had to study hard and learn the language of my true forefathers, the Apache, the Coahuiltec and the Aztec Indians/original Americans.
This column was written in that language, to be translated later since I refuse to speak any other language than "Azpachehuiltec." I can only hope a person of a darker shade of pale translated this. I would hate to come off as a fool because of some inept translator.
Yesterday I visited the bigots at Taco Bell and asked them why they insisted on torturing and ravaging my heritage by selling cheap "Mexican" food. My mother has never made Mexican pizza or the racist-sounding Nachos BellGrande.
Their choice of spokesdog, this Spudz McKenzie '90s reject, also troubles me. Are they saying my people are like little Chihuahuas, yapping incessantly? "Yo quiero Taco Bell" is not only grammatically incorrect, it makes a false assumption.
A real Chihuahua, being the proud Mexican canine that it is, would not want cold tortillas and tomato sauce passed off as "food" or served by upper-class preppies named Kyle.
I will not run for the border. This is my homeland. You run for the border.
I cannot forgive sons for the sins of their fathers, and thus today I begin my campaign to put an end to Frontier Fiesta once and for all. I have heard the arguments about it being a chance for students to have a good time while drinking beer.
Is this not how you people stole America in the first place, by getting Native Americans drunk? This event is headed up by a racist society, the Greeks. Uncle Tom participation does not automatically make this a rainbow party. I cry for my mistaken brothers and sisters, who blindly attend this celebration of America's bloody past.
A name change could help, but don't even think about calling it Spring Siesta. Might I suggest Honky Hoe-down?
This is what I propose for Frontier Fiesta. (The following is for my people only, so all those who arrived on the Mayflower: Put down this paper!)
I propose that while the Bubbas and Berthas are in Frontier Town, we take over the university. Then we can ship all the John Waynes back to Europe. We will create a perfect society on this campus, to be known as "Los Estados de Ed." I will be a practical ruler, strong and firm yet gentle and kind. We can make this happen, but only if we start today.
Mountain, get out of our way. We're reclaiming what's ours. It starts today, on April Fool's Day.
De La Garza, a junior
political science major, invites
everyone to visit the
Azpachehuiltec Web site at edelagar@bayou.uh.edu.