I'm a person with a high tolerance level. I like to think of myself as someone who is not easily bothered.
But it's the end of the semester and I'm stressed, and things are bothering me more. They're bothering me enough that I feel like writing a column in which I explain what bothers me.
I hate it when other columnists do this, but hey, this is my turn, and I can be a hypocrite if I want to! Sorry if that bothers you. I really don't care.
But I feel I should note that I didn't sit down and think, "Hey, I'll force everyone to listen to my rants and raves." It was fellow Cougar staffer Tera Roberson who put me on this path.
"What should I write a column about?" I asked her.
"What about when you say 'Excuse me,' and people don't move?" she asked. "It pisses me off. Then you have to push them out of the way, and then they call you mean."
It was a downhill spiral from there, with the entire editorial staff collaborating on what irritates them. Here are a few of my favorites.
It bothers me when I go into a virtually empty movie theater and find a seat, and then people come in and sit right next to me.
I could understand this phenomenon more easily if the theater were small or if the movie were popular. I don't mind people sitting next to me in a crowded theater; it makes me feel like I'm justified in dropping $17 for a movie ticket if 500 other people do it with me.
But come on - I like to attend movies at the AMC Studio 30, which, if you don't know, is a complex of really huge theaters. So I'll go in, find a seat among the thousands of empty ones, and settle in for the long haul.
But invariably, as soon as the previews begin, someone comes in and sits down next to me.
Why? Am I so much fun that people feel they need to sit by me or the movie won't be amusing? Maybe they see my red hair gleaming in the projector beam and think there's a Coke machine in the middle of the auditorium.
When they arrive at my row and discover that I am just another audience member, not a refreshing beverage, they decide I'm nice, and they sit beside me anyway. Well, I'm not nice. Find your own row.
It also bothers me when I'm a kind driver and allow someone to get into my lane in front of me, and then they don't acknowledge it.
I could write pages on stupid drivers, but I'll spare you that (since everyone knows the Cougar only employs irritating opinion writers who talk about nothing but driving and parking). But a little common courtesy can go a long way.
That's particularly true considering "road rage," which I have to admit I'm subject to on occasion. But it's entirely justified! How can you keep from getting angry at people who think they are invincible just because they're driving?
Often, the most obnoxious drivers operate insignificant cars like Ford Aspires. I've had pets larger than those cars. Aspires are annoying. The only saving grace in those vehicles is that some people rent, not own, them. As rental cars, Aspires are just amusing reminders of the fact that a bit of tin is all that comes between us and sure death when driving.
By the same token, it's annoying when people don't thank you for other common acts of kindness.
This is most noticeable to me when I open a door for someone. Though I am a true gentleman, I long ago abandoned hope of being able to open car doors for lady friends, since it is apparently a task they can adroitly execute on their own.
Still, I make it a point to open, and hold, doors of buildings and rooms for anyone behind me, regardless of gender.
Unfortunately, people seem to think my holding a door for them is natural in the way of the world. They don't bother to say thank you, or even mutter something that could be appreciative.
What is more, it seems that every time I hold a door open, everyone in the building takes it upon themselves to exit at once. I don't mind holding doors, but after a couple of hours it does get a little tedious.
Annoying people with no sense of personal space bother me. This comes to mind when I think about elevators.
How many times have you been riding in an elevator, only to find that, when you reach your floor and the doors open, you can't disembark because everyone who had been waiting for the elevator rushes on board?
In the same vein are those annoying people who stand right next to you in lines. That is particularly unnerving in stores, where the cashier might think I'm actually with some of those people.
Finally, screaming children always annoy me. I don't know why parents, no matter how proud they are of their tots, insist on bringing them to movies, the theater, restaurants, airport runways, war zones or other places that are loud and uncomfortable for kids.
When children start screaming, it's obvious that they don't want to be wherever they are. Unlike us adults, children are not confined by the chains of convention. They can scream and yell with élan whenever they please, which very few grown-ups can do.
So parents, as much as your little one might enjoy that trip to the action movie, the rifle test range or the nightclub, keep in mind that it's inevitable that the child will start to scream by and by, which is not a fun thing for you, your child or anyone else.
Whew! That was liberating. I realize it did not solve any problems, and I failed to address pressing world concerns like I usually do in my columns. However, don't get upset. I was just trying to annoy you.
Parsons was a journalism major until the curriculum got on his nerves.