Williams
Summer is almost upon us, and this should shape up to be a very enjoyable one, particularly in the wondrous and unpredictable realm of sports.
Here are predictions for June through late August. I must warn all readers that the following content is made solely for the purposes of entertainment, and anyone heading to Las Vegas would be wise in exercising restraint from gambling on any of the forecasts.
1) In the NBA, the Chicago Bulls, behind stunning performances by future Hall of Famer Michael Jordan, beat the Utah Jazz in Game 7 of the Finals to win their sixth championship in the 1990s. I picture the Bulls winning the dramatic finale in Utah despite a Karl Malone jumper with a second left that is waved off by the referees. Tantrums ensue, elbows fly from Malone and John Stockton, but the play stands. The drama of the final game prompts filmmaker Spike Lee to start on his next movie, He Got Screwed.
2) The WNBA's second season gets off to a rocky start on opening weekend thanks to a month's worth of hype from Lifetime. During the rematch of last year's championship game, a huge fight breaks out between the New York Liberty's Rebecca Lobo and the Houston Comets' Tina Thompson over a non-call in last year's final game. Despite 104 fouls, seven ejections and 18 felony arrests on both sides, the Comets win the game thanks to Liberty guard Teresa Weatherspoon, who tips the ball into her own basket at the buzzer. Weeks later, Don King decides to promote future Comets games, getting 90 percent of the profits in return.
3) On June 18, the Astros defeat their divisional rivals, the St. Louis Cardinals, 8-7 in a thrilling showdown in the Astrodome. The game is highlighted when Mark McGwire, seeking his 40th home run of the season, launches what appears to be the hit to give the Cards a 9-8 lead in the top of the ninth inning with two outs. The hit, however, is disallowed when the lead umpire rules that McGwire's bat is illegal. McGwire, in a fit of rage, storms out of the dugout and clubs the umpire with the offensive lumber. In an unprecedented move, acting MLB commissioner-for-life Bud Selig suspends, not McGwire, but the bat. The Astros go on to win the NL Central but fall to the eventual world champs, the Atlanta Braves, in the NLCS.
4) Martina Hingis succeeds in defending her Wimbledon title by defeating Venus Williams in the championship final. Aside from a four-hour rain delay and the Queen of England getting struck by lightning, the match's high point is when Williams, one point from winning the match, argues a bad call by a line judge.
After throwing a hissy fit in which racquet strings and hair beads fly freely, she is disqualified and kicked out of tennis. The tournament is also highlighted when 17-year-old starlet Anna Kournikova turns down a marriage proposal from recent teenage divorcee Macauley Culkin.
5) The Dallas Stars overcome numerous injuries to defeat the Buffalo Sabres 1-0 in a seven-overtime slug-out to win their first-ever Stanley Cup championship. After the game Buffalo goalie Dominik Hasek leaves the NHL to relieve his sorrows with alcohol and star in Spike Lee's next movie, He Got Stoned.
6) In the summer's last hurrah, the Comets defeat the Sacramento Monarchs, 100-99 in double overtime to defend their WNBA Championship. With no time remaining in a tied game, Monarchs guard Ruthie Bolton-Holifield is nailed with a technical foul for arguing a non-call from the third game of the year. In front of an outraged crowd in Sacramento, Cynthia Cooper calmly sinks the foul shot to give the Comets the win. Two days later, the Comets make a deal for Charles Barkley, whose performance at the end of his career with the Rockets makes him a perfect fit for the WNBA.