The end of the spring 1998 semester saw the retiring of three Daily Cougar veteran columnists: Russell Contreras, Jason Ginsburg and Jesse Handy. Love them or hate them, these three have been a Cougar institution for seemingly an eternity. But now that they're gone from the pages of the University of Hell's student newspaper, what are they doing?
I took it upon myself to find out. For several weeks I stalked ... er, watched the three former columnists to see what was going on in their lives since their departure from these pages.
Much to the chagrin of the College Republicans and everyone else who never liked the guy, Russell Contreras is working on his master's degree in history and working as ... an actual journalist! He writes for the Houston Press and has a column syndicated by the Progressive Writers Group.
Why, God? Why him? But he's been seen wearing suits and hanging out with known Republicans and "Anglos" and has been overheard saying how "the welfare state is gong to ruin our economy," so there might just be hope for him yet.
Daily Cougar Tex-Mex cuisine aficionado Jason Ginsburg, on the other hand, hasn't been as fortunate. The RTV graduate virtually vowed that he would never work at KPRC Channel 2 after he essentially attacked the entire news crew.
After being on the receiving end of a savage Tae-Kwon-Do attack from the Buzz Lady, Roseann Rogers, a distraught and humiliated Ginsburg went to the home of friend Jesse Handy to discover that Handy's Third Ward residence was being burglarized for the 3,000th time.
Not wanting to disturb crackheads at the closest they get to work, he vacated the premises. With nowhere else to go, Mr. Ginsburg retired to a Taco Cabana, where he currently resides and has been noticed mumbling incoherently about sports over a platter of fajitas and enchiladas.
The saddest case, however, is that of Jesse Handy. Well, cartoonist John Palamidy's "Handy sightings" were right on the money. Handy is in Melcher Gym five days a week and spends the remainder of his spare time watching TV in the Satellite and flirting with that tall girl in the Central Site computer lab who looks like Dax from Deep Space Nine.
Tipsters have also seen him in the Colorado gentlemen's club, at an adult "Modeling Studio," on Bourbon Street in New Orleans and standing under the Pierce Elevated desperately scribbling the words "Will write for food!" on the back of his RTV diploma.
The last place I saw him was Sam's Boat on Richmond, where he was being beat up by a nunchuk-wielding Sachse, whom he was begging for a job or a letter of reference or something. All good things must come to an end, and the reign of terror of the three most annoying columnists in Cougar history did just that.
Should those of us who never cared for their rantings gloat? Of course! They would have wanted it that way.
Tanamera is an alumnus who never got a Handy Award.