Amanda
Mahmoudi
Ah, yes, the German saga continues, my friends. Many of you may remember my desperate plea for help from last week.
I did receive many e-mails from you all, giving me the "scoop" on what there is to do in Houston. I am not only eternally grateful for the advice; I am surprised as well.
Some of your suggestions made me wonder. One of you suggested we go to the Alamo - but only to see where "Ozzy Osbourne made his mark." Another offered addresses to many a beastly bordello on the border.
Are you all totally crass, or what? Please, let me have the strength to refrain from the proverbial "whatever."
Every attempt to make plans with these Germans has somehow not worked. Maybe it is simply the way I go about it.
For example, I say, "Hey, guys, do you want to go to NASA tomorrow?"
My question is promptly replied with wild cries of "Ja, ja, ja!" Is it then wrong for me to assume that this is a set plan?
I don't think so.
So, why is it that when I call their motel room the next day, they are nowhere to be found? I try for hours and hours to reach them to no avail.
At around 5:30 in the early evening, my otherwise silent phone rings, breaking a silence only comparable to that of a Buddhist monastery.
"Hallo? Eh, heh heh heh....Emenda? Hallo! Kud yoo pik us up now, pliz?"
Always gracious, I reply with a congenial "of course" and ask their whereabouts.
"Eh, heh heh heh....ver ve har? vait a minit....Stefan!!!
Stefaaaaaaaan!! Heh heh heh....ver har ve? Ach ja, ve har in Bik Kay Maht."
For the love of God. These kids could have had NASA, but where do they trip out to instead?
Bloody Big Kmart.
It was probably to their own benefit that we did not go to NASA. I would have been forced to cop a Jackie Gleason and kick someone to the moon.
Aside from their obsession with discount stores, it really is good having them here with me. I suddenly find myself to be a completely different person.
Plus, my German skills are really improving. I am really getting the hang of German slang.
Have you ever been to a public place where there were people around you speaking a foreign language? Did you think even for a second that they were talking about you? Of course, you think that you are somehow just acting paranoid - they are probably just discussing the climate.
Well, I am really sorry to burst your little bubble there, my friends. All of that self-convincing was just a waste of your time.
Alas, it's true. It's simply an opportunity one cannot miss. I can now say everything that comes to mind.
Everyone thinks I am hilarious, the life of the party.
By the way, if you were at a certain café in a certain part of town over the past weekend and noticed a group of oddly happy Germans talking loudly, then you saw us. And yes, we were talking about all of you, especially the one with the body odor and greasy hair.
The only really serious problem I have now is the rather frightening image of my life after my friends leave.
No German. No beer. No heckling. No life. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? There will always be heckling!
Mahmoudi, a junior German and French major, and her visiting friends can be seen at various cafés and clubs around the city. Send comments to amahmoud@bayou.uh.edu.