Current President Bill Clinton is frequently called "Slick Willie." I never gave it much thought, but given the current allegations being levied against him, I wonder who gave him the name. Was it his political enemies, because of his silver tongue, or one of his many women?
In either case, our commander in chief is being called on the collective carpet by Kenneth "I know he did something!" Starr for being the womanizer that we all knew he was when we elected him ... both times.
Why are we persecuting Bill this time? Is it for cheating on his wife? No! We've known about that.
Is it for getting with a woman who essentially worked for him? No, he's already on trial for doing that.
Then why? Well, Starr is asserting that Bill told a former intern to lie and say that they had never been intimate, thus committing perjury.
The rumor mills are running full speed, and no one's really sure what happened. I have something to say that may shock a few people, and I'm sure a few of you agree with me.
I DON'T CARE! Did Clinton step out on his wife? I don't care! He could have a legion of concubines arriving at 8 a.m. and leaving at 5 p.m. Monday through Friday, but unless my taxes subsidize it, it's of no consequence to me!
Last time I checked, the economy seemed to be doing all right. So, who cares?
I'm sure some fool is reading this thinking that the president has a responsibility to be our moral leader. Since when?
Jefferson spoke of freedom while running a plantation with slave labor. Kennedy let the CIA help plot the assassination of Ngo Dien Diem while cheating on his wife, and Reagan used the CIA to sell drugs to street gangs to fund the Nicaraguan contras.
If you think the president is our moral leader, quit lying to yourself or put down that crack pipe and find the nearest rehab center.
If we wanted moral leadership, we wouldn't be a constitutional representative democracy, we'd be a religious state lead by a non-secular hierarchy.
Kenneth Starr looked into Whitewater and found nothing. Paula Jones apparently got so wrapped up in getting her God-awful Jenny Jones-style makeover that she and her lawyers may have lost sight of the fact that in a lawsuit you ask for a set amount and stick with it, or you lose credibility.
Let's look at the whole thing objectively. If President Clinton (a man in his early fifties) insists on having affairs with beautiful women half his age, I have to say one thing.
Mr. President ... YOU DA MAN! I wanna be just like you when (or if) I grow up! Write a book, and share your infinite wisdom with the rest of us!
All kidding aside, many are comparing this to Watergate, and I'd have to disagree. I wouldn't compare being accused of perjury to being guilty of wire-tapping, conspiracy and breaking and entering.
Zippergate, as the press has affectionately labeled it, is nothing more than a continuation of the Republican-lead witch hunt which is destined to be reduced to Starr trying to have Clinton impeached for either jay walking or tearing the tag from a mattress.
We, as a nation, have become a supermarket tabloid culture obsessed with the seedy lives of celebrities and elected officials. Would you, John or Jane Q. Public, want to have your sexual past subjected to the kind of scrutiny that we apply to our elected officials? Few of us would, and until we see the hypocrisy that we're breeding, we as a nation will be searching for the next media tabloid-ized feeding frenzy.
Handy is a senior RTV Major who emphatically denies
having sexual relations
with Monica Lewinsky.