Winter Games or Winter Lames ...?
Not much of a sports fan? Stay away from the tube this week. With the Olympics in Nagano and sports movies littering the small screen, you'd be better-suited sniffling at Titanic for the third time or investing in Pay-Per-View.
If you get a chill from a downhill spill, however, you're in TV Zen. The Olympic Games provide all the drama and sappy endings needed to evoke a collective "Awwwww."
Who'll be this year's Kerri Strug? Will the Jamaican bobsledding team actually bobsled? Will there be anything interesting on after speedskating, hockey and the new Pepsi commercials?
No telling, but the Olympics always mean revisiting old friends from the ice and snow. Expect to see Gen-Xers Picabo Street and Tommy Moe make a run for the downhill skiing medal. Superhuman speedskater Dan Jansen will return to the games as announcer, not athlete.
New faces will emerge, as always, though some will be easier forgotten, like MTV Republican geek-monger Kennedy. The bushy-haired, Barnes and Noble employee-from-hell will host the freestyle section of snowboarding, in hopes to give it that ultra-hip feel. Whoops!
So as the two networks of the Games, CBS and TNT, vie for the edge in the 175 hours of combined coverage, remember that the Olympics are a time when big-time sports machines make way for the noble amateur athlete (That's why the U.S. will unleash a gang of NHL American pros ready to kick some Finnish butt). It's a time when pomp takes a back seat to sport ($346 per seat for hockey and figure skating) and the thrill of the event is its own reward ($403 per ticket to attend the Opening Ceremonies).
It's not a time about networks (up to 1,600 CBS crew members needed in Nagano), because really, it's not about the money (19 million households expected to watch CBS's coverage).
And remember, as you watch CBS host and UH alumnus Jim Nantz broadcast from Zenkoji Temple in Nagano, that you too, fellow Cougar, can be destined for greatness (He's famous, you're not).
Sports Movies of the Weak
Want heartwarming sports stories? Stick to CBS and TNT. ABC's Bad as I Wanna Be: The Dennis Rodman Story was just as bad as it wanted to be, proving that the commercials and NBA games are all you need to see of Dennis Rodman unless your parents don't let you out after 11 p.m. In fact, the best line from the movie wasn't even in it.
Dwayne Adway, who played Rodman, quipped to an interviewer, "I tried to get Madonna to have sex with me as part of the research, but we never connected."
That, and the fact that Rodman was homeless for six months, are the only useful nuggets of info from the movie.
So ABC has tried the Sunday sports thing again, this time with the sacred Wonderful World of Disney. Tony "Eh, gimme some work, uh?" Danza will take the starring role as The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. He'll play Barney Gorman, a nice-guy garbage man (finally, a believable role!) who gets a chance to play for the Philadelphia Eagles. If The Simpsons or Olympics ain't your philly cheesesteak, check this out at 7 p.m., Feb. 15th.
Tales from the Converter Box
Another new episode of South Park on Comedy Central this Wednesday night at 9 p.m., plus some good flicks as well. Ghosts of Mississippi and Spike Lee's dramatization of the Million Man March, Get on the Bus premiered last week.
But my moment of joy was late, late Saturday night, when our VH-1's and Food Networks went to sleep and infomercials danced in their dreams.
Yes Ma'ammary
'Round 2 a.m. I learned that women less confident with their endowments need not look to silicone, but to Curves! Yes, these rubbery gems are the stuff that tissue stuffers' dreams are made of. For three easy payments of $29.95, you can increase your bust size two-fold, without surgery or Kleenex! Used by actresses and models, Curves made housewives like Jeanna exclaim, "I used to look like a stick of gum, but now I have a full figure."
Still not satisfied? They come in peach and mocha! Now how much would you pay? Decide now, because the first 1,000 callers (really) get a travel case for their curves! That number is 1-800-210-8877, or you can order on the net at www.curves.com.
Want more info on this or any other TV topic? Send me your questions, hate mail, or Curves orders (I ordered mocha just in case I'm ever in any legal trouble and need to be "Stephanie" for a while). You can reach me at BoobToobGy@aol.com.