De La Garza
I have wanted for a while to write a column about 1980s hair metal bands, but up until now I hadn't been able to drudge up my old tapes. Now that the problem is resolved, I'll be analyzing lyrics from various songs. So in typical hair metal "dedication" fashion, this one's for Phil G., a.k.a. "Floyd."
"Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin
"Oh baby, hey baby, oh baby ..."
Okay, so Zep isn't an '80s band, but I thought I'd start with the source. First of all, where's the black dog and how does it play a part in your "baby?" Supposedly, the song's title came from a dog who was in studio during the recording session. Put little or no thought into the lyrics, put no thought into the song title.
"Cherry Pie" by Warrant
"Swingin' in (the kitchen) 'cause / She wanted me to feed her / So I mixed up the batter / And she licked the beater."
Exactly what does "swingin'" mean here? Is it the dance, is it cooking, or is it the act of love? I should point out that there is no mixing of batter involved in making a cherry pie.
"I Saw Red," again by Warrant
"Then I saw red, when I opened up the door / I saw red, my heart just spilled onto the floor."
Que? Was the room painted red? Was there blood everywhere? Warrant left out the reason they saw red. Also, a heart won't spill, it'll drop.
"I'll be there for You" by Bon Jovi
"I guess this time you're really leaving / I heard your suitcase say goodbye."
Such vivid imagery. Such poetic phrasing. Such a load of crap. A talking suitcase? Did her empty coat hangers laugh mockingly as you stared at the sobbing closet?
"Slip of the Lip" by RATT
"Slip, slip, slip of the lip / I like the way you move your hips / Loose lips, sink ships, / The way you move, you don't miss."
Stephen Pearcy from RATT always was a sweet talker. Slip, lips, hips, miss. What a nice little rhyme. Let me file that one away and keep it handy for the next time I want to get slapped.
"Still of the Night" by Whitesnake
"Thru the light of the day until the evening time / Waiting for the night to c-c-c-come (Ooh, Baby)."
Robert Plant, I mean David Coverdale's voice never sounded better than on this little gem. Pl-uh, Coverdale's lyrics are a bit misogynistic, but this is one of Led-er, Whitesnake's best songs.
"Unskinny Bop" by Poison
"Unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop, she just loves to play / Unskinny bop, nothing more to say."
Uhh ... I think there is. Nothing more to say? How about anything to say? Poison was probably one of the best all-girl bands of the '80s, but if you write a lyric such as "...nothing more to say," you might try some exposition before that line.
"Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard
"Step inside, walk this way, you and me, babe, hey hey / Love me like a bomb, baby, come and get it on / Livin' like a lover with a radar phone."
Again, que? So you're living like a lover with a radar ... ahh, forget it.
De La Garza, a junior political science major, is too fast for love but can be reached at edelagar@bayou.uh.edu.