Staff Editorial

Editorial Cartoon

The prospect is looming ever larger. There is no way to run from it. There is no place to hide. It's coming, whether I like it or not. I just can't believe it's happening to me again so soon.

What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? How am I going to handle this incredibly difficult situation? Not even a 12-step program can help me with this one.

Hi. My name is Margaret, and I'm having another birthday.

Nooooo!!!

Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to look forward to birthdays? Things were much simpler when Mom would fill out those cheesy Kermit the Frog invitations and invite all of your best friends (whether you were speaking to them this week or not) for a good old-fashioned birthday party.

You and your friends would play games and trade prizes. You would dig through the favor bags, making sure you got the best ones. You pulled the decorations off the cake and licked off the frosting. You got great gifts like action figures, water guns and rollerblades.

Those were the good old days.

Even after you were past the favors and action-figure stage, birthdays were still something to anticipate. Each birthday brought you closer to being a teenager, turning Sweet 16, getting a driver's license and the granddaddy of birthdays: 21.

Things changed when I grew up. I found myself spending my birthday in class, at work or in a meeting.

Whoopee.

Several years ago, I decided that if I had to face another birthday, I wanted more than the privilege of doing the Macarena dance at Joe's Crab Shack. I started going on vacation.

This was great for a few years.

After that, I decided to get back to my childhood roots. I threw myself a birthday party, complete with party hats, favors and a Star Wars birthday cake, off of which I pulled the decorations and licked the frosting.

Picture 17 adults running around my house, shooting each other with waterguns.

Not to be outdone, I held a birthday party at Celebration Station last year. When my all-adult group showed up, the look on the hostess' face was priceless.

"Where is the birthday child?" she stammered.

We had a great time eating pizza, playing miniature golf, playing video games and racing the mini-Indy cars around the track.

I've been there and done that, so now what? Joe's Crab Shack is lurking out there, coming closer every day. The mere thought of the Macarena sends horrible chills down my spine.

I have to come up with some kind of plan soon.

Maybe this year, I'll put my birthday up on the market. For rent: One birthday, slightly used but housebroken. Make offer.

Of course, if anyone else out there has a great idea, I'd love to hear it.

Time is ticking.