Austin returns to WWF;
Red and Yellow attack returns
The Untitled Wrestling Column
Ed De La Garza
This is a very special 75th anniversary
edition of this semi-regularly appearing column devoted to wrestling. You
should save it and pass it down to your grandchildren.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin ended his hissy
fit and returned to the World Wrestling Federation last week. He may have
been called a wild card and the
most highly sought-after free agent in
the history of wrestling since Buddy Rogers, but he was sitting out, because
he was unhappy with the WWF's
direction.
Happy 75th anniversary!
In any case, he returned and signed with
Ric Flair's Raw brand of the WWF, then proceeded to stun the Nature Boy
at show's end. So raise a toast to
the hell-raising, law-disobeying, beer-swilling,
boss-disrespecting Austin of old.
Happy 75th anniversary!
Austin will face the Undertaker at the
Backlash pay-per-view April 21 for the right to be called the No. 1 contender.
It'll be tough to pick against one of
these native Texans.
Happy 75th anniversary!
In other news, Kevin Nash is on the injured
list after a whopping two months of action. In the meantime, we have the
always entertaining X-Pac to fill
Nash's shoes. The WWF may have to rethink
an earlier decision not to make Shawn Michaels part of the New World Order.
Happy 75th anniversary!
And finally, we're less than two weeks
away from The Rock's starring role in The Scorpion King. Can you feel the
excitement?
Happy 75th anniversary!
Return of the red and yellow attack
Ed's note: With Hulk Hogan's stunning return
to his color scheme of old, I felt it only right to let Terry Bollea take
this column and run with it to the main
event ... brother.
What's up little Hulkamaniacs?
I've gotta hand it to my main man, Triple
H. The Tripster and me have been running wild all across the nation trying
to defeat the evil deeds of the
evildoers. And I'll tell ya, brothers,
it's not easy if you don't keep yourself in shape.
But see, aside from the normal daily routine
of 500 curls, 1,000 armbars, 250 squats and 500 lift-and-jerks, the Tripster
takes his vitamins. The special
ones. He knows what's up because he used
to want to be just like the Hulkster. He doesn't have my natural charisma,
dudes, but he does know that
truth and justice will prevail when the
Mega Powers collide.
One of these days, it's all gonna click
for the Tripster. He'll be a big star someday.
Until that day, the WWF has been trying
to make him feel good about himself by letting him wear my belt.
But I think he's started hanging out with
that no-good Canadian Roddy Piper. There's no way the biggest pythons in
the world will job to some
big-nosed punk Hulkster wannabe. Flair
only beat me by cheating.
On April 21, Triple H and Hollywood are
gonna get it on at Backlash. We're gonna tear down the roof. We're gonna
have people lined up for blocks.
'Cause when the Hulkster and Hunter get
in that ring, it's gonna be a night of magic.
But there's no doubt who's gonna walk out
with the belt, brother.
I'll pin him, one, two, three. It's gonna
be sweeter than the time I beat Kevin Nash back in 1999. The red and yellow
attack is gonna be wearin' the gold
strap around its waist one more time.
So what'cha gonna do, Tripster, when the
world's biggest pythons get wrapped around you?
