Opinion

SWM looking for Miss Right

Jim McCormick
Opinion Columnist

Itis been yet another dull week in my life. Other than achieving my lifelong dream and actually sleeping most of Saturday away, nothing relevant or earth-shattering happened.

As my roommate was out this weekend, I probably could have hosted a Coogie on Friday night after the Honors Banquet, but I didnit really want to make a 2 a.m. run to House of Pies. After all, I had my fill of pie at the banquet.

I spent a good amount of time in quiet contemplation this weekend. It is quite frightening how vast the human mind is. I frequently get lost in my own thoughts about the world around me. Sometimes, I consider putting these thoughts into words, but when I realize how childish and pessimistic my thoughts are, I close the file without saving, and try to focus on something far happier.

Happiness, however, is quite elusive when youire trying to keep people from uploading programs you donit want onto your computer. For some reason, I canit get rid of these things. They donit even ask me if I want these things; they just upload them without my consent. Iive had to tighten my firewallis restrictions to prevent things from getting much worse.

About the most entertaining part of my day is my regular trek to the newsroom. My lack of a life provides the editors with more than enough entertainment. In fact, at one point, they even went so far as to try to set me up with someone -- an attempt that met with resounding failure. This was inspired by the fact that I havenit exactly had much of a love life, unless you count three really annoying cases of minor infatuation -- two of which werenit exactly healthy (see last weekis column for the third case).

I guess they saw that I needed someone a lot earlier than I did. In fact, this is the first time Iim admitting it to myself, as Iive considered tolerating loneliness to be a show of personal strength, instead of the self-destructive tendency my psychiatrist says it is. Now to come up with a reasonable excuse to give her when she asks if Iive actually started working out.

It seems that the staff has given up on this attempt at a Nobel Prize. Though part of me is quite relieved, another part would love to see them at least try a few more times, though it is highly doubtful that they would ever be successful in the endeavor.

Besides, there is the miniscule possibility that they could succeed, and Lord knows I could use the prize money. After all, it would be highly out of character for me to actually have anything resembling a love life, and I donit like breaking character. When I do, things have a tendency to get painful. But then again, thatis just from my limited experience, which I wrote about last week.

Before I catch flak for not pursuing such endeavors myself, I would like a chance to defend myself. I honestly have no clue where or how to begin a relationship, which could explain my seemingly eternal "single, but looking" state. All right, I must confess, I never have looked, but it has been more out of fear and my normally introverted manner than anything else.

In fact, this weekend, I put together a plan to give up the search entirely and resign myself to a life of solitude, not out of desire to be completely alone, but out of pure hopelessness about my situation.

Honestly, Iim looking for someone conservative, perhaps a bit naïve ­ someone I wouldnit mind spending a fair amount of time alone with. It would be preferable if she had a vehicle, as I donit. Iim actually quite adaptable, and Iim told that I can be a decent person to be around, provided Iim not in a funk. As I am indecisive by nature, sheill have to take charge most of the time, but Iim willing to go along with almost anything, provided it isnit illegal. If this sounds interesting, my e-mail address is listed below.

Now, if you would excuse me, I need to try to figure out who exactly switched the "M" and "N" keys on this keyboard.

Ladies, McCormick, a freshman biology major, can be reached at rantman_2000@sbcglobal.net