Matthew Sheinberg

Editoris note: This piece is not to be taken seriously in any respect. It is a satirical column written in support of womenis rights, and it is certainly not a blatant attack.

Itis everywhere. Women claim, 'Thatis sexual harassment, and I donit have to take it.” The business world has been turned on its ear because of the womanis entrance into the corporate world.

Our schools have become a shadow of their former presence because of women and their desire to be 'equal.” I wonit even begin to discuss the effect of women on our military. Women are equal, but in their own way.

Because of the invention of the female executive, many corporations have fallen victim to lawsuits where the 'victim” claims that her boss made sexist remarks that demeaned her and made her incapable of working in that environment.

Women of America, I would like to know how something like a copped feel or an invitation to a private party with your boss makes you incapable of working in that company.

The truth is that you are a woman and should be prepared for such comments. You women spent centuries barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, where you ought to be. Women should not be running the world; they have too many other responsibilities to worry about.

Beyond the fact that women have polluted the workplace by moving beyond their rightful place in the secretarial pools and phone operator services, they have also weakened our higher education system by demanding to be allowed to join the same schools that men have attended for decades, if not centuries.

Shannon Faulkner, the first woman to enroll at the Citadel, destroyed a tradition of an all-male institution that was more than 150 years old. Now, the Citadel has to provide separate facilities for men and women so that both sexes can live and attend school there without having to infringe upon each otheris privacy.

What I canit understand is why a woman would want to go to a military school in the first place. Women belong in the home, raising the family and cooking and cleaning the house for their husbands.

Going to school and fighting in the military are menis jobs. No one expects a man to put on an apron and take care of the householdis needs.

Women claim that all these 'advancements” in womenis rights are necessary to make both men and women equal. What they do not realize is that men and women are already equal.

Just like women should not fight in the military, men shouldnit be asked to raise the family.

Men have their own responsibilities to take care of, like being the familyis breadwinner; a man should not be asked to cook in the kitchen, because he is too busy fixing the plumbing in the sink, or working on the car.

To fix these horrible circumstances, I call upon our city, state and national governments to pass laws forbidding women to be active members of public society, outside of such tasks as being part of the local Parent Teacher Association.

It should be unlawful for women to leave the house without an ankle-length skirt with a full petticoat underneath. In such an outfit, how could they possibly do such things as fight in the military?

Also, by limiting women to the tasks of wife and mother, the educational system can spend its hard-earned time and money on the true producers of new technology and ideas: men.

If men werenit the greatest academic geniuses around, then why are the overwhelming majority of all our books on science and philosophy written by men?

By making the masculinization of women illegal, America can retain its moral superiority over the rest of the world. Women need to stay in the house, take care of the kids and prepare the meals for the family.

Men canit do that; it is beneath them to do such feminine tasks. Women and men have their respective jobs, and women should respect that.

Men have only crossed over to do womenis jobs when forced to by women. Women donit want to deal with sexual harassment? Good. Go back to the kitchen.

Sheinberg, a junior history major, can be