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Love counselor advises getting past infatuation

By Savoyia Henderson
The Daily Cougar

Timing and communication are everything in relationships, Dr. Tracy Leung told Cougar Place residents Wednesday. The Counseling and Psychological Services doctoral intern spoke about how to obtain and maintain a healthy relationship.

Time was an underlying theme of the workshop. Leung couldnit say it enough: "Take time to get to know the person because it takes at least six months to two years to get past infatuation."

After getting to know your partner, she said, "itis the little things that count." She advised couples to pay attention to small everyday interactions. Always think positively and help your partner fulfill his or her dreams in life, she said.

Leung touched on the diversity of relationships in this day and time. She wanted to inform students how to prevent relationship failure.

Students had questions on such matters as why younger people seem to have problems committing.

Times have changed: "The average age for marriage was once 21 years of age; now the average is about 25 years of age," Leung said. The difference in commitment could also be related to family upbringing and the fact that young people just arenit ready. Leung said conflict management and enhancement of love and affection are two keys to a successful relationship.

There are three stages to conflict management: before the fight, during the fight and after the fight. Leung introduced things such as using "I" statements rather than pointing fingers and dealing out blame on oneis partner. After the fight, Leung said, "end on a positive note by offering kisses, hugs and make-up sex."

"Kisses should be at least 20 seconds long," Leung said when explaining frequent exchanges of affection.

She also talked about maintaining long-term relationships.

"Most couples wait at least seven years before seeking professional help for their failing marriage," Leung said. "A relationship is like taking care of your plant or car -- it needs routine maintenance."

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