Opinion
 

Irony is for sale, and it is pricey

Justin Vann

I remember the first time I laid eyes on a Hot Topic clothing store, years ago. Blaring what was Slipknot's latest eardrum-destroying sonic bile, it beckoned the young and confused masses into its gaping maw. It was truly the cultural oasis for those who were different, and the brutal enemy of conformity in all its dastardly shapes and sizes. Who could forget such poignant and insightful black T-shirt prose as "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same?" 

I realized I hated Hot Topic when there were about 35,000 people wandering the Earth donning black T-shirts with the aforementioned message written on them. Granted, some of them had purple dreadlocks, some had pointy leather jewelry and others clutched a Spongebob Squarepants lunchbox. In the end, it was all the same. I dreamed of one day herding all of these people into a giant field, and watching them collectively realize that they are no more unique than a pair of synthetically faded Abercrombie & Fitch cargo pants. Alas, that plan was a logistical nightmare, and I have since decided to casually mock those people. Surely, I thought to myself, no one could think of a more absurd form of counterculture. 

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Imagine Hot Topic. Replace the angst and rebellion with irony and kitsch. Start selling those black T-shirts in different colors. Add $75 to the price of all the jewelry. Replace the Spongebob inventory with toys, trucker hats and apartment accessories. Behold: You have just created Urban Outfitters. Just open the doors, play some obscure trip-hop like DJ Shadow and watch the hipsters mosey in. 

Now a true hipster would be shopping at a thrift store, mind you. But don't worry, with Urban Outfitter's "urban renewal," section, you can buy clothes that actually did come from a thrift store, for many times the original price! Or if that's too authentic for you, help yourself to a plethora of name-brand clothing that looks worn before you even put it on. 

I have held my tongue about Urban Outfitters and its target audience for some time now. But this weekend I saw that they have begun buying corduroy blazers, a hipster fashion staple, from thrift stores en masse. In the same way Hot Topic profitably exploited teen angst, Urban Outfitters has exploited kitsch. I see it as ironic, since buying kitschy clothing is the hipster method for shaking off the stigma of corporate America.

But then again, irony and hipsters are like peas and carrots. John Deere trucker hats, smoking jackets and shirts that point up and say "I'm with stupid" exemplify the self-collapsing black hole of ironic wit that consumes the hipster. Nothing is taken at face value; clothing and accessories must either mock those who wear them seriously, or ooze nostalgia. 

I don't hate hipsters. More than likely, I am one. I just find their hyper-trendy struggle exhausting. I do, however, hate Urban Outfitters. Not only are they proliferating snide hipster culture, they're turning a profit off of equipping the disaffected masses.

I can't really do much to stop hipsters. But, I can dream of herding 35,000 people wearing John Deere trucker hats into a giant field, and watching as they realize that the only people who wear John Deere trucker hats anymore do it for the irony. Maybe then, I can stop Urban Outfitters from preying on helpless liberal arts students.

Vann, a columnist for The Daily Cougar, 
can be reached at vann_mann@hotmail.com.