Arts & Entertainment
 

Sex guide has advice on how to get it on

by Ray Hafner
The Daily Cougar

When sex author Paul Joannides asked online visitors which adult taught them not only about the birds and the bees, but also about making love, he expected that younger people (themselves raised by products of the sexual revolution) would say their parents.

It was much to his surprise then, when nearly 90 percent of people age 18-27 said nobody.

"Moms and dads are really kind of letting them down on the job," said Joannides during a phone interview. "I guess that's the gap that the book tries to fill."

The book is the newly released fourth edition of the Guide to Getting it On, a nearly 800-page tome on everything sex. From oral sex to gender issues to STDs and birth control, the guide has nearly everything. 

The guide works more as a reference book, complete with illustrations, diagrams and a glossary that'll help clear up the mystery about what enuresis is.

Written in a conversational style that's more locker room sex talk than high school health class, the guide is both laugh-out-loud funny and refreshingly honest. Instead of sounding like a boring professor droning on about fallopian tubes, Joannides comes off as a highly sexually educated middle-schooler.

On anal sex: "Thanks to the inventiveness of the Ancient Greeks we now have things in our lives like politicians, lawyers, doctors and anal sex. The only one of these that should never cause you any pain is anal sex."

On back rubs: "Attempts were made to view sex through the eyes of mate-swappers, gays, lesbians, Tantric sex masters, conservative born-again Christians, bondage enthusiasts, and those whose sex lives are really boring. Only one universal truth about human sexuality emerged: No matter what your sexual beliefs, fantasies, kink, or persuasion, nothing beats a good back rub."

On oral sex: "Sticking a bit of toothpaste in your mouth before inserting a penis can improve the taste greatly."

The new edition comes with several new illustrations from Daerick Gross, who manages to inject a homey, 1950s feel into his sexually explicit drawings. It's not every strap-on drawing that connotes sock hops. The book also has eight new chapters, including ones on gender issues and Internet dating.

Nearly everyone, no matter his or her sexual experience, will find something new or interesting. But the guide doesn't work as a final source, and there are places where Joannides admits he doesn't hold the final authority.

In preparing for the book, Joannides read as many old sex books as possible and was amazed by what he learned. For example, John Harvey Kellogg created corn flakes as a means of giving children more stamina so they wouldn't masturbate. 

"As weird as some advice was, they honestly thought they were right," he said. "And that's what kind of scared me now, because I think I'm right. This is a reflection of our times, and there's no real truth about it."

Joannides said sexuality is a fluid thing that changes with society. When it comes to understanding sex in our society, Joannides' guide has mass appeal.

Paul Joannides

Guide to Getting it On!

Goofy Foot Press

The verdict: Be sure to show your lover pages 59, 207, 226, 289, 344, 390, 541, ...

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