Arts & Entertainment

Trite 'Polly' dethrones the 'King'

Box Office Report

John Seaborn Gray

Well, folks, it's over. The greatest trilogy of our time, and possibly of all time, has come to a crashing, wrenching close. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King stood on top of the box office from the day it was released until this very weekend, when it was dethroned as the No. 1 film at U.S. box offices. Having grossed $329 million in domestic receipts, New Line Cinema's brave and risky investment has paid off. Let's hope Academy Awards voters, fickle though they can be, choose to honor cinematic history and present the film with the top prize.

Three movies beat out Return of the King in the box office this week, led regrettably by Along Came Polly, the Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston bathroom humor vehicle. Though everyone can agree that Stiller and Aniston are gifted comedians, something about this gross-out flick just doesn't seem right.

The No. 2 movie is Tim Burton's latest, Big Fish, which has earned raves for Ewan MacGregor and Albert Finney. The No. 3 movie is, even more regrettably, Torque, the brainless Japanese motorcycle advertisement featuring the guy who got his soul sucked out in The Ring and Ice Cube, whose performances seem not to have a soul to suck out. Ice Cube is to scowling what Billy Idol was to sneering. 

Return of the King has sunk to fourth place this week, followed by Steve Martin's latest entry in his slapstick wallowing, I'm Much Funnier Than This. No, wait, it's actually called Cheaper By the Dozen. The title seems to refer to the 12 mediocre child actors who were clearly hired at a discount. 

Civil War epic Cold Mountain finished at No. 6 this week, worth seeing simply for a be-chopped Jack White. And the AARP has managed to keep Something's Gotta Give at seventh place.

My Baby's Daddy, the celebration of America's unique family values, came in at eighth place, proving that there may be a niche for Method Man in popular cinema after all. Tom Cruise's Kurosawa-aping The Last Samurai comes in at ninth place, espousing the sage advice that if you see a girl you want, simply kill her man and claim her for your own. That proves to be one of the many lessons in the movie, including the importance of maintaining perfect hair, even during a battle in the mud.

And, finally, Calendar Girls fills out the top 10. If features Helen Mirren leading a group of older women who put out a nude calendar for some unexplained reason. Ain't cinema grand? 

Gray writes the weekly box office review for The Daily Cougar. Send comments to dcshobiz@mail.uh.edu.