Opinion
 

Texas laws against sex toys antiquated

By Justin Vann

A woman named Joanne Webb was caught by undercover narcotics investigators for the sale of illegal items in Texas in October 2003. The authorities posed as potential customers and caught her running the illegal wholesale of said items from her own home. If she is convicted, she could be sentenced to a year in prison and a $4,000 fine. Webb had the audacity to question what she did wrong. 

I guess you'd like to know what kind of items Webb was selling. It would be easy to assume she was selling crack pipes or rocket launchers or fake Gucci purses. However, Webb was selling a product that is legal in most states, but not Texas. 

She was selling sex toys.

It is illegal to sell vibrators (and other related devices) in the Lone Star State. To be more specific, it is illegal to sell objects "designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." Although an Internet search yielded different variations of that legal context, there is a primary focus on banning realistic looking phallic devices. The only way stores can circumvent this law is by making customers sign a waiver declaring their honorable intention to use their new pocket rocket for educational purposes only.

Webb was working for California-based Passion Parties. Consultants hire individual women to host "passions parties" at their home. The host then invites potential customers to hear a sales pitch. In addition to vibrators, they sell lubricants, lingerie, books, nipple creams, edible unmentionables and more. Roughly 3,000 women nationwide are active hosts for the company, and Texas is the only state to crack down on these kinds of activities so far.

Bewildered, I asked myself how such a thing could be true. In Texas, you can carry a concealed handgun in public. You can take right turns at intersections with a red light. But apparently you are compromising the social integrity of the entire state when you shop for a vibrator.

It's bad enough that our tax dollars are being spent to combat the sale of vibrators and nipple clamps. But it is pure insanity that our law enforcement personnel are doing so while they could be stopping narcotics sales. Does it make sense to you? Let's take a vote. Which is more dangerous to society as a whole: heroin, or vibrators? 

I usually end my columns asking the reader to take action against the injustice of the week that I'm complaining about. This time, I'm dead serious. Gov. Rick Perry's office number is (800) 252-9600. Please remind him that this America — and it's the 21st century. Scientists have discovered that both masturbation and frequent sex are quite healthy, contrary to the Victorian belief that they cause insanity.

However, it is possible that Perry might not heed public opinion and legalize good sex. Under that contingency, I urge you to do the one thing that has never failed to get results: civil disobedience. You know exactly what I mean by that.

Vann, an editorial writer for The Daily Cougar,
can be reached via dccampus@mail.uh.edu.