Arts & Entertainment

Weekend releases offer little in quality

'Served,' 'Score' do little to save movie season

Box Office Report

John Gray

The 1980s are truly back. Male actors and rock stars alike are cutting their hair like the kids from Jaws 2, tight men's jeans are once again cutting off circulation all over America, and a breakdancing movie is the No.1 movie in the country. 

Now all that's needed is a Biz Markie comeback album. 

You Got Served, starring Steve Harvey and several young hip-hop stars, nabbed the No. 1 spot at the box office this weekend, causing film studies majors all across the country to openly weep. But really, any movie with a kid who looks like a Jackass-ified Billy Idol sneering "You suckas got served" in the preview has to have something going for it, right? Right? These are dark times. 

Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston's lukewarm Along Came Polly held surprisingly at second place. Last week's No. 1, Ashton Kutcher's The Butterfly Effect, slipped to third, partly because of poor reviews, and partly because of the fact that Kutcher's main audience balks at any movie in which he does not utter the word "dude." More Punk'd please. 

The third chapter of the best nine-hour movie ever is going strong in fourth place. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King still holds enough of the spotlight to earn 11 Oscar nominations, including "Best Performance by an Androgynous Elf Killing a Giant Elephant" and "Best Supporting Sword."

MTV's moronic The Perfect Score made its way into fifth place, despite widespread picketing by the League of Asian Stoners. If you're at all familiar with the LAS, then you understand the kind of pressure they can bring to box office returns. Or maybe the movie is awful.

Twin whimsical epics Big Fish and Cold Mountain finished at sixth and seventh place respectively, proving that people still enjoy escapism, provided there are some fight scenes in there somewhere.

Nauseatingly titled Win a Date With Tad Hamilton! came in at No. 8 in its second week. movie.

Still bringing pleasure to pretentious critics all across the country is Mystic River, which was nominated for Best Picture by a collection of people who apparently got up and walked out two-thirds of the way through. That's the only way anyone could think this movie was anything but a flagrant failure. Someone had to say it.

And, finally, Steve Martin's latest embarrassment Cheaper By the Dozen looks ready to mercifully fade into oblivion in the number 10 spot. 

Ah, January through April, a time of year affectionately referred to as the "Studio Dumping Ground," when films too awful to be released during the holiday season flood the movie theaters like locusts. Dull, formulaic, intelligence-insulting locusts. Set your alarm clocks for May.

Gray writes the weekly box office summary for The Daily Cougar.
Send comments to dcshobiz@mail.uh.edu.