Opinion
 

Writer tries desperately to clear his name

By Keenan Singleton

Alter egos say the darndest things. 

For the past three years, some of you have known me simply as the "The Trashman," a foul-mouthed sports columnist devoted to, among other things, belittling our weekly football opponents. 

The Trashman has, or rather, I have, said many things -- some of which I'm proud and some things of which I'm not so proud. For the record, I strongly recommend avoiding writing columns about butt-pirates or Cajuns. You just won't win -- trust me. 

But that, like MC Hammer's career (wow, was that an MC Hammer reference?), is in the past now. You can still expect lighthearted, over-the-top satire at times, but I won't accuse your parents of being blood relatives. Probably.

What else can you expect from this weekly column, besides lots and lots of errors?

I think renowned Detroit Free Press columnist and Tuesdays with Morrie author Mitch Albom said it best in his inaugural column for the Free Press: "You can expect some opinion, some heart, some frankness. Some laughs. Some out of the ordinary."

In other words, you should expect some of everything. Except for squirrels. 

My past and future are sports writing, but I've always been about being outside the box. I promise you, this column will stay out of the stat boxes.

This column will also stay out of the entertainment pages, although it will be entertaining. I don't want to waste your time or eyes.

I'd like to say I've worked for a number of newspapers and magazines and have received numerous awards. Or that I have tons of experience. But then I'd be lying. And lying is just wrong.

But I do know this campus. I've been here since 1998, and granted, most of that time was spent skipping classes and flirting, but between breaks, I've listened and observed -- and caused -- many of the problems at this University. 

You're not always going to agree with what I say. You shouldn't. You probably aren't a 6-foot-5, dangerously handsome, supremely intelligent and incredibly caring (love that sarcasm) black man, like myself. Sorry, blame your parents, not me.

My viewpoints often won't be right or wrong. The opinions expressed in this space aren't meant to give you the correct answers, just an avenue in which to think and discuss.

All I ask is that you read, and, if you feel the need, respond. What is a writer without readers anyway? 

Like I said before, I don't want to waste anyone's time, especially mine. 

Now, I hope these words have accomplished their collective goal -- to undo three years of bad press.

Darn alter egos.

Singleton, an editorial writer for The Daily Cougar,
can be reached at k_singleton@yahoo.com.