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Volume 70, Issue 102,
Tuesday, March 1, 2005
Life & Arts Hip-hop's bling has gone to the animals Beat Box Zach Lee Hip-hop has reached the seventh circle of bling. If custom gold rims and diamond-encrusted watches weren't enough, P. Diddy went a step further. Allhiphop.com reported Friday that the guy who rode Biggie's coattails to stardom is facing some tough criticism from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals for using live penguins as props at a party he recently hosted in Miami. Representatives of PETA have said that the group may press animal cruelty charges because penguins are only acclimated to extremely cold temperatures and the hot Miami weather was undoubtedly unbearable for them. Well, the idea of using animals as status symbols isn't new to hip-hop -- tough-looking canines have been in it since the beginning -- and training animals for the purpose of entertainment (as representatives for the hotel where the party took place argued Diddy's penguins were, so they had already been trained in warm weather) is certainly nothing we haven't been seeing since the first days of domestication. PETA also has a reputation for being just a little zealous with allegations of animal cruelty, but the issue isn't really whether or not the penguins were comfortable in Florida. Instead, it's really a question of where bling will go next. Will Snoop Dogg be taken seriously as a big-time playa if he doesn't ride an elephant onto the stage at his next show? Will Ludacris add a pair of peacocks to his posse to make sure everyone can spot him in a crowd? If hip-hop artists truly are moving beyond showing off with platinum grills and coming back to the natural world to justify their braggadocio, maybe they really are headed toward enlightenment. Truly, we are the chosen species, and if emcees, producers and other hip-hop moguls don't let the world know, how will any of us find out that polar bear cubs are the perfect party favor? There's a duty implicit in artistic success - the duty to prove the dominance of mankind. We have already proven that we are far superior to the world's metals and gems. We have shown that we can harness and mold their beauty. No observing alien will question any man's supremacy over Earth's diamonds or platinum ore. Those same aliens might just think that gorillas are better than humans though -- but not if we make them into butlers at New Year's Eve celebrations first. We'll show those silverbacks who's boss. The difference between the animals and us is that we can think -- that's why you've never seen an iguana beat a computer at chess. So let's put all our knowledge to use and prove that no creature on Earth can compare to our magnificence. P. Diddy, I want to personally thank you for starting
this revolution. We need to show those aliens that in our house, we are
in charge. Those sneaky penguins won't be getting any piece of our pie.
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