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Opinion

FBI squanders project's $170M

Matt Bean
Opinion Columnist

So goes the old expression: As soon as you make something idiot-proof, the world builds a better idiot. This has become especially true for the computer industry.

Spam filtering technology has made great leaps in the last year, and more and more internet service providers, even America Online, are bundling e-mail filtering and virus scanning with their services. 

No extreme measures have been taken to curtail spamming, as I would have liked, but the technology itself has been making significant improvement, and the average computer is fast becoming safer as long as users follow basic precautions. 

So, with Spyware on the decline and better e-mail filtering than ever, you would think spammers would move on to something else -- perhaps take up quilting, origami or interpretive dance.

Well, I admit that's wishful thinking on my part. Of course they're going to adapt. Their persistence is rivaled only by salmon swimming upstream in mating season. If door-to-door salesmen were as persistent as spammers in their attempts to give you unwanted information, we'd be boarding up our doors and windows and welding our chimneys shut. 

One of the more recent developments in spamming technology is an exploit that allows spammers to send unsolicited e-mail through Internet service providers directly, instead of having to commandeer end-users' computers as slave machines.

That's extremely resourceful and clever; if only it wasn't also loathsome and despicable. Because of this ruthless quest to be annoying, spammers are runners-up for my Award for Technological Idiocy.

This week, the winner and grand champion of technological idiocy is the FBI.

If you had $170 million and had to spend it on developing a case-information database that can be accessed globally and securely in a year, what would you do?

The FBI apparently doesn't know, either.

OK, what if your deadline was, oh, tripled to three years? Anything?

Well you aren't alone, because the FBI still doesn't know where to begin. Except, somehow, the money disappeared.

Apparently, after the 9/11 disaster, the FBI was given a huge sum of money to develop an advanced case-filing system to replace the current one, so that information can be shared instantly. The project was dubbed Virtual Case File, and had a budget that would make many developers salivate.

I can't seem to figure out what the current case file system consists of, but based on the news reports, I wouldn't be surprised if it involved smoke signals and liberal use of peyote.

I suppose we shouldn't be shocked to hear the government is wasting money, but the VCF is a nightmare by any standard. There is no timetable, and nothing is functioning. All the money is spent, and there isn't anything to show for it.

And the FBI wants another year. Despite an angry Senate, the agency is likely to get what it wants, largely because nobody else does that job. The FBI functions in a cornered market, and that's why they can blow money on, well, whatever it is they blew it on, since nobody seems to really know.

This is the part of the article where I would make a cry for accountability. Restrict the FBI's budget. Stuff like that. Unfortunately, we need the FBI, and cutting the budget of the agency that is supposed to provide us with counter-terrorism information just doesn't seem like a good thing.

Instead, fire somebody. Fire all the people involved with this project, or force them to resign. Bring in a new group, and give them enough money to purchase commercial database software that can be easily expanded.

Also, if possible, tar-and-feather FBI Director Robert Mueller. Please.

Bean, an opinion columnist for The Daily Cougar, 
can be reached at me@mattbean.com.