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Life & Arts

Loving yourself can help heal heartaches

Get Well

Donica Beckett

For many across the country, that special day reserved for love is filled with chocolate candy, the scent of roses, extravagant dinners and romantic rendezvous, but for others, Valentine's Day may ignite feelings of loneliness and hopelessness along with memories of loss and grief. 

"Most people don't think about how much their personal relationships can affect their overall health and well-being," Gail Gillan, the UH Wellness Director said. 

Some common reactions may include disruptive sleep and eating patterns, plus the suspension of good habits once practiced. Motivation is lower and persons may end up reducing social contacts and isolating themselves. 

According to Robin Bullington, UH Counseling and Psychological Services counselor, people go through a variety of emotional reactions extending from denial to guilt, sadness and sometimes relief. These reactions may depend on why the breakup occurred.

"There is no right way to grieve and no time table that fits. Anytime you lose something of value, it is natural to grieve and have reactions," Bullington said. Students should engage in healthy behaviors such as exercising, eating well and reaching out to others, whether through volunteer efforts or seeking help from people who care to cope with grief. Individual and group counseling could put situations into perspective and offers support. "Sometimes people become self critical. It is vital for people to try and remain patient with themselves," said Bullington. When Valentine's Day rolls around, your heart doesn't have to be left out in the cold. Whether you are single, in a relationship or recovering from a broken heart, loving yourself first is essential and painless. 

Try solo activities at home like creating inexpensive gourmet meals for yourself, experimenting with exotic foods, your favorite soothing tune and scented candles. End the evening with an invigorating bubble bath and bring the candles.

Treat yourself to a makeover. A new hairstyle or cut with a new outfit from your nearest thrift shop could bring along a new found attitude. Seek new pleasures by visiting art galleries, museums and the theater on discounted days or create your own masterpiece with finger-paint and an imagination, if your schedule doesn't accommodate. 

Plus, as silly as it may sound, send yourself some flowers or an e-card. According to legend, St. Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting to himself. 

Also, indulge in the love that will be spread on campus. On Monday don't miss out on free HIV/sexually transmitted diseases testing at the University Center at the HIV mobile unit hosted by UH Wellness and the Cougar Peer Education Program from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. In addition, the University Center will host "Matters of the Heart," a gift mart from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the University Center Arbor featuring various exhibitions from UH organizations and gifts on sale from community vendors. A drawing will also be available, offering winners a special "lover's package." 

Interested in getting the scoop on how to improve your relationship? According to Gillan, it's also important to consider how healthy our relationships are because the impact of unhealthy ones or ones that are physically or emotionally abusive, can range from damage to our self-esteem to physical violence.

For more information on healthy relationships, attend the Healthy Relationships workshop sponsored by UH Wellness at noon in the World Affairs Lounge.

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief and loss, contact CAPS at (713) 743-5454. Referral, crisis intervention and consultation services are available for students, faculty and staff.
 

Send comments to dcshobiz@mail.uh.edu