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Opinion

St. Valentine didn't die for Hallmark

Justin Vann
Opinion Columnist

Valentine's Day is a mere four days away, and I can't help but notice the holiday has fallen out of favor with those of us who are sans significant other. In fact, it seems some have grown so disenchanted with the holiday that they'd see it abolished, or create some rival holiday that celebrates breakups and cold showers. To them, I have a question: What gives, haters?

While I'm not sure, I'd bet it's even wrong to say only single people are tired of Valentine's Day. So to those who feel like the thrill is gone, be you single or taken, this is the single man's defense of Valentine's Day.

Surprising as it may be, Valentine's Day was not created by megalomaniacal Hallmark unhappiness mongers to shame singles (or uncreative couples) into buying candy and watching Sleepless in Seattle by themselves. The real deal started when the Roman emperor Claudius placed a ban on all new marriages. His soldiers were reluctant to leave their wives, and he felt married men weren't as good a soldier, since they were tempering their combat decisions with the fact that they had someone to come home to. So one Bishop Valentine stepped up and performed marriages in secret. Claudius caught Valentine, and gave him a long prison sentence. He died in prison on February 14 in 271 A.D., thus becoming a martyr. In 498 A.D., Pope Gelasius formally declared February 14 to be St. Valentine's Day, and Bishop Valentine to be the patron saint of love. There are plenty more stories surrounding the ritual of V-Day, but I chose this one to illustrate an important fact: Valentine's Day has a rich historical basis. Even the Valentine's Day card traces back to 17th century Europe, in which cards were written by hand.

However, I will not dispute the claim that Valentine's Day is becoming more and more commercialized. Hallmark and its ilk have changed Valentine's Day the way McDonald's has changed eating out. What I found particularly ironic was the way advertisements have tried to use sentiments like this to sell Valentine's Day gifts: (almost verbatim) "I don't want a boring commercialized holiday in some stuffy, overcrowded restaurant; I want to spend the day at such-and-such spa with my husband."

Valentine's Day may have become commoditized, but we let it happen. Hallmark didn't force you at gunpoint to buy that purple stuffed gorilla that sings, "Do you love me?" when squeezed; you bought it of your own free will. Though you should be ashamed of such a lame gift, I have good news for you: The solution is cheaper and better.

Just don't buy a damn thing for Valentine's Day. No gift cards, stuffed animals, cards, overpriced candy or flowers. Or better yet, don't buy anything specifically intended for Valentine's Day. Invest in a high-quality paper and a better writing utensil. Buy the ingredients for an exotic meal. Make sure at least one course is served on fire. Write a song. Buy nothing pre-assembled; and choose only the best raw materials. Nothing says love like do-it-yourself, and that is doable under any budget. If there was ever a time to harness the power of the written word and your own ingenuity, it's Valentine's Day.

Also, Valentine's Day may put a lack of a significant other into context; but you're only as lonely as you chose to be. I don't subscribe to the theory that I can only wish someone I'm having sex with a happy a Valentine's Day, and you shouldn't either. While not everyone is so debonair that they can just seduce a stranger come V-Day (though I wholeheartedly encourage it if you can), there are plenty of people in your life that love you platonically that deserve recognition. To feel lonely or bitter on Valentine's Day is to be bored during Mardi Gras, a gross misappropriation of emotion.

For all the wonderful friends and family in my life, know that I love you more than I will ever have time to fully convey. This column will have to do for now. As for everyone else, have a superb Valentine's Day, and good luck with that stranger.
 

Send comments to dccampus@mail.uh.edu