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Sports

Do not let sports ruin valentines

Holding Court

Richard Whitrock

Sports are a cruel mistress. Late nights, nervous sweats, the constant threat of rejection. America's love affair with sports certainly has all the earmarks of a romantic relationship.

We write novels and poetry about it, it's the subject of paintings, songs, sculpture, photography and practically all other art forms known to man. We even have foods designed specially for it, from performance enhancing cuisine for athletes to an array of spectator-friendly foods and even to competitions. People schedule their days around tip-offs and face-offs, contemplate their seasons in terms of which sport as opposed to the earth's position, and even lie to the spouses or significant others to hide their obsession.

"Hello? ... Oh, hey honey ... No, I didn't forget, I'm just running late ... I'm sorry, I lost track of the time ... No, that's not the TV ... Baby, I'm not watching the game ... I didn't even know it was on tonight ... I'm really sor-NO!! ugh, I mean, no, don't wait for me ... Look, I gotta go so I can get done and get on my way ... No, that's not a ref's whistle in the background ... I'm sorry what? I couldn't hear you... You're breaking up ... I can't hear, but I'm reallybusyIloveyouseeyousoonandI'msorrybye."

How many of us have broken dates or shown up excruciatingly late because of an unforeseen overtime? Like alcoholics denying a problem even as their friends are pulling Jack Daniels bottles out of the toilet tank, we deny our addiction with the fervor of a fire-and-brimstone preacher while the scarlet A of fAn burns on our chest through the background noise of the pre-pregame show.

For all those Sportsaholics Anonymous members out there, it's important to remember the truth: it's just a game. 

So let me save some of you from making a huge mistake -- even if there is a game on tonight, unless your significant other is the one that does the lying to cover up their sports obsession, plan on missing it. Or get TiVo and watch it tomorrow.

It's one thing to have the "other woman", but it's another to be stupid about it. Here's a hint: skipping Valentine's Day to watch the game falls safely into the "stupid" category.
 

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