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Life & Arts

Music is becoming idle thanks to 'Idol'

Stay Sick

Jason Gagnon

Brothers and sisters, I have found an evil in the world of music that is so pure and wretched that it threatens to bring about a rapture to your ears more devastating than New Kids on the Block, Kelly Osbourne and every actor who took a stab at pop stardom combined. Its name is American Idol.

Of course, there are some of you reading this column that are responsible for the program's monstrous popularity and growth since it wouldn't be on the air if you weren't watching it.

Now, I probably should point out that I have never watched the show but because I observe and must contend with its social effects, I feel that I have the right to comment. Besides, I don't have to go to a Klu Klux Klan meeting to be able to tell you how ridiculous it is. So, I am adamantly opposed to its existence and firmly believe that American Idol and its viewers and contestants represent everything about this country that should be flushed down the toilet.

What is the appeal of this latest cultural cancer? 

Do the fools who tune into Fox every Tuesday night really have nothing better to do with their lives? I've got an idea. How about they go out to karaoke bars instead, because they would be watching the same thing only in a less glamorous setting and without some pretty-boy dolt hosting. I will never understand what the appeal is of trying to experience petty fame and stardom vicariously through eager puppets unleashed on this world to make music nice, sterile and safe. At times, I find myself wondering whether or not the viewers and contestants of the show are aware that they are, in fact, a part of the pop music equivalent of the Hitler Youth.

And if it's not bad enough that American Idol gives rise to vacant, uninteresting, soulless and unnecessary pop stars who will be treated as an important and actual artist by the wretched mainstream music press but apparently if you are horrendously awful you can still get some fame.

Remember William Hung, the Asian guy who pathetically slurred his way through that magnum opus "She Bangs" in broken English and dancing like an epileptic? Well, some idiot thought this geek needed to record an album of similar songs, and I just hope the guy used whatever filthy lucre he received to get his teeth fixed. Even worse, we now have to live with the gap-toothed hick cousin of the show, Nashville Star. Look folks, country music hasn't been good in a long time and I don't think some waitress or farmer is going to be able to save it. 

Mediocrity and banality have now become the standards for entertainment and -- ahem -- "idols" in this country which makes it less difficult to understand why a good portion of the world wants to destroy America and its culture. If this is all we have to offer, I say let them. 
 

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