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Life & Arts

Zombie life isn't all that dreadful

My 8 Bits

Jason Poland

Being a student is harder than it seems. Being a good student, anyway. Learning is taxing on the body and the mind, and not only does it require endless hours of study, but the added dilemma of what to learn can rack the brain. Finding the right books to read, dealing with overdue fines, and the musty smell of the library are all daunting obstacles in the pursuit of knowledge. Obtaining knowledge directly from the source is easiest. So if you want to skip the middleman, toss that boring book aside, dig into some hearty brains and join the ranks of Zombie Nation.

The undead have it figured out for sure. They must never think of what to do next, or how they might do it -- this course is already decided for them by the singular desire of eating brains. Juicy brains. Juicy, juicy drippy brains. Oh, what joy to be a zombie.

In the Nintendo Entertainment System oddity, Zombie Nation, Darc Seed, an alien visitor, has landed in the Nevada desert, and has graciously transformed the United States into a nation of zombies. Finally. I was getting bored with all this freewill. Really, zombies don't cause that many problems. It's the opposition to zombies that causes such a racket. The boarding up of windows and running away at the sight of a zombie is so contagious that people can't help but panic.

But if everyone went along with it, they'd find it isn't so bad to be a zombie in a mob. But of course, someone has to ruin it for everyone. In Zombie Nation, it's in the form of Namakubi, a giant decapitated samurai head, who, because of some ancient oath he made to protect the legendary sword of Shura from Darc Seed, has to fly around shooting eyeballs and vomiting all over everyone's zombie parade. Thanks to Namakubi, I'll have to go back to picking cucumbers out of my salad instead of just chowing down on some geezer's cerebellum.

If you think zombies can't get anything done working together besides a lot of commotion and mall madness, think again. Even if they copied it from Ghostbusters II, the zombies in Zombie Nation were able to animate the Statue of Liberty and make fire shoot from her torch. How's that for zombie ingenuity?

But Namakubi decides to desecrate the zombies' monument, just because he disagrees with their beliefs.

Even if you disagree with the zombie way of life, don't blow their heads off just because they eat brains instead of beef. You're probably not even using 20 percent of your brain, so let them have a little, because after all, we're all citizens of this great Zombie Nation.
 

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