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Opinion

Be mindful of the parking lot ninja

Travis Coggin
Guest columnist

About a month ago an ill-mannered co-ed lobbed a 5-inch chunk of asphalt at my car. Was I there to see it? No. Did I deserve it? Maybe.

We have all done it, or at least thought about doing it: a stealthy maneuver into a parking spot rightfully claimed by another driver. Sometimes you just cannot make it to campus on time, or maybe it's one of those days that you're not in the mood to play musical chairs in the parking lot for half an hour. But is it right for the victim to retaliate violently or physically confront the parking lot ninja?

Many people are aware of the vandalism that may result from such an incident, but few are fortunate enough to avoid an actual confrontation. Indeed, weeks after the shot-put-asphalt assault I experienced, I actually witnessed the outburst of yet another driver who had fallen prey to a fellow ninja.

Though I was not present when the ninja made her move, I was able to catch the finale. I arrived during my favorite part of the routine. The non-ninja was already yelling at the victor, which was great because the ninja was already in the "I'm not listening" phase. During this phase, one person yells irately while the other desperately tries to ignore them while gathering books or putting on makeup. But the defeated knows he or she is being heard, which only makes the ninja's victim angrier.

In this particular situation, the victim did not only raise her voice, but actually got out of her vehicle to confront the ninja (readers must be warned that this was a dangerous decision; even pirates should remain in their vehicles during this situation). Then, the scene reached its climax.

"That's f***ing bullsh*t, you f***ing ho!" screamed the victim, who then returned to her vehicle and found an empty space on the next row.

Like that of the ant and the grasshopper, this story has a moral. Yes, it's irritating trying to find a parking spot during peak hours. Perhaps if the administration would move Frontier Fiesta to a mall parking lot where it belongs, or had built the new parking garage in a more logical location, then there would be no need for the ninjas and we could all park in harmony.

This was best expressed by one of my favorite flicks, I Heart Huckabee's: "Through pain and suffering we are all the same." So relax, it is only a parking spot. They come and go. Some days you park by Scott Street and some days you're under the shade trees across from McElhinney Hall.

And never forget that little thing called Karma. 

Coggin, a guest columnist for The Daily Cougar, 
can be reached dccampus@mail.uh.edu