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Life & Arts

Stars in Mobile ads would not be missed

Stay Sick

Jason Gagnon

I'm getting really sick of these Boost Mobile commercials that have been swarming the TV lately. In case you haven't seen them, it breaks down like this. 

Some music celebrity is shown having a poorly attempted, comedic alternate reality just because their cell phone didn't have a walkie-talkie feature on it, and we as a society are supposed to feel a devastating impact because of their career change. Pretty stupid, right? 

Well, it gets much more insulting when the trio of pop stars, all of whom have apparently enriched our lives so much, are Fat Joe, Eve and Travis Barker. Boost Mobile and its ad department have just defecated on all our minds. 

What in the hell has Fat Joe ever done that was so monumental to the art of music? 

Great, we got another fat rapper who is mediocre and generic at best and was picked to be the new fleeting hip-hop fad because of his immense girth. 

And does this guy even rap anymore? From what I can tell, he just whores himself out to any one company willing to write a check, makes short and pointless cameos in weak Hollywood flicks and wrecks buffets all across town. 

Yeah, the world would be so horrible if Fat Joe never waddled up to a microphone.

As far as Eve is concerned, I really don't have any complaints. She doesn't produce music anymore and, to be quite honest, is pretty pleasing to the old glazzies.

Now onto the biggest loser of the set: Travis Barker. First off, I'd like to say that I really think this guy is a good drummer, but unfortunately, he is probably never going to be in a good band as long as he's playing. 

Let's run down the list real quick: Blink 182, Box Car Racer and the Transplants. 

They were all pretty atrocious and his skills couldn't do a damn thing to rescue the music from being pure rubbish. So let's think about how our collective world would be if Barker hadn't gone the route of music. 

We wouldn't have had to endure years of horrible pop punk garbage that his band helped usher in and make marketable to dull youths. 

Good Charlotte would have never gotten popular, Tim Armstrong might have never tried to form a rap group and we would have all been spared having to witness the indignity of Bad Religion opening for Blink 182. 

Boost Mobile, you have done no good, and without you, the world would be a better place.

Send comments to dcshobiz@mail.uh.edu