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Opinion

Dear O.J.: Sorry about that, buddy

Christian Ochoa
Opinion Columnist

Dear O.J. Simpson, 

Hey there, man. I'm Christian -- I mean, that's my name, not my religion. How are you doing today? 

The weather is great, and I mean great, here in Houston. I mean, we can finally wear sweaters in the cold and not look ridiculous. Well, I still look ridiculous when I wear sweaters. People say some mean things to me when I wear sweaters. They've called me a yuppie. I'm not a yuppie; I'm just young and urban. 

Well, enough about me. The whole point of this letter is to talk to you about your recent book deal -- or rather, the book deal you had. When I first heard that you had a book coming out titled If I Did It, Here's How It Happened that pertained to the murders of your ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend, Ronald Goldman, I was a little jealous. I'm being frank. I want to become a writer when I grow up, and I didn't expect an ex-football star to beat me to it. So I'm sorry to hear that your book deal turn into a bust when Fox decided to cancel it. C'est la vie, I suppose. 

But to be candid with you, did you believe you could get away from public scrutiny with this book and interview? Oh, wait -- yeah, let's not go there. 

But still, I'm sorry to hear that your literary career was hindered. 

Don't beat yourself up, man. You should focus your frustration toward Fox, Rupert Murdoch and your publisher, Judith Regan.

I wouldn't mind reading the book and seeing what you said about that infamous day, but hey, I can't get everything I want in life. 

What you should have done, Juice, is to rename the book. Make it more family friendly and less offensive for the Brown and Goldman families. (Juice, you have to admit the title does sound a little cocky.) Besides, Johnny Cochran isn't around to help you out again, even if double jeopardy prevents you from getting into more legal trouble. 

You should also be vexed at Fox for just using your book and interview as part of its sweeps scam. It's a shame that Fox was planning on airing you right at the end of the November to round out its sweeps campaign. Downright shameful, actually. 

Don't think that you'll just fade away into oblivion. I mean, you're O.J.-freaking-Simpson. You starred in The Towering Inferno and Naked Gun -- and you have a Wikipedia page. 

Ochoa, a creative writing junior, 
can be reached via dccampus@mail.uh.edu